I finished work today and came home to have a much needed shower. I’m a decorator and today was a very grubby work day. Ceilings and walls to sand, messy builders about creating dirt and dust, being clean was all I wanted to be when I left the site.

In the shower, surrounded by lotions and potions, I suddenly looked at my hands to see how they had survived the day. Then it hit me. When do you stop wearing your wedding ring?

My husband had made our wedding rings. For someone who had never been one who could be considered artistic or romantic on any level, ever, this was quite an amazing and precious thing for our wedding. Mine never quite fitted, and was far from perfect, and I loved it. He had always shied away from ever buying me a ring of any kind before. An eternity ring bought for my 40th was a strange and somehow begrudging event it had never seemed to be the fun and special item I’d hoped such aa gift could be. I haven’t worn it for some years.

The whole idea of a ring is now invested with power and a history of our relationship that I’m aware as soon as I start to unpick it all the evidence leading up to now will be shining at me like a beacon on a hill. All those moments I felt that he was on the back foot, never quite fully committed. Playing defensively rather than going for it. Was that our whole time together? Did I fill in the gap in his commitment? For a wedding ring? Was what I could show people really just for show?

And so now what does it mean for me to take it off? I haven’t as yet. It feels so very final as a statement. I’d miss it.

And I do like a nice unique bit of silver jewellery.