Tag: ending

27. And there he was, gone.

And there he was, gone – as my Grandfather used to say.

Today, he left to go on his walk bright and early – well, not bright as it was still dark. But most definitely early. Before I was up. Before I’d even known he’d gone before I had. It feels most strange. And not in a good way. But there you are.

I shouldn’t be surprised really. No matter what the order of first out the door I would be upset. I imagine he is too. So this way he gets to not have to deal with it. He has, after all, got his own shit going on. Would I have left extra early? Probably. It’s not like either of us have been sleeping well so you might as well be off as lie about waiting to start you life over.

So now it’s my turn to do that. Open other doors now that some of them have closed. Look to the future and what lies ahead.

But first I have to get through this morning. Because, quite frankly, it’s a hard one.

A dog walk in the company of a good friend is a wonderful thing. Walking, generally, is a good thing. You never come back from a walk regretting that you went, no matter how wet and windy the day. So that helped.

A coffee with his dad, who through all this has been a source of sadness and support. ( I think of all the hearts that have been broken that his is the hardest to bare. ) We get on well and revert to conversations on practical issues of jobs that need doing. Not such a bad thing to do.

And then on to some packing. I’ve filled 4 big bags with a fair share of pots, pans, china, cutlery. I’ve divided up the wooden spoons, potato peelers, ladles and bottle openers. All the double bedding from the spare room and his much loved slow cooker. The daughter sorted tupperware and cookbooks while I piled his chess set and boxing books. Years of accumulation all shifted in a busy hour.

So I’ve done a bit to help. And that will do. The rest is his to manage and box.

And the rest of the rest is mine to rebuild.

16. And then I talked about our wedding.

I’ve been on a night out. Get me, socialising!

A group of people that I know on different levels, some are friends, some are good friends. A couple of newbies into the mix too. All of which made for a very fun and pleasant evening.

There was a big conversation about domestic violence. (No time for twittering smalltalk in Brixton!) It lead on to discussions on society’s expectations of women; whether marriage is still the standard for a relationship; and finally onto the event and traditions of a wedding itself.

Why is it that men still do all the speeches at a wedding? One of the men in the group said he regretted not managing the situation at his own wedding so that at least one woman gave a speech. We raged about wedding excesses, destination weddings, weekend, even week long, Hen and Stag doos, unreasonable costs and general over-the-top nature of many of todays nuptials.

And then I talked about our wedding. I was, and still am, proud and happy and touched by our wedding day. For a start we managed to pick the only sunny day in June that year – and thankfully so as we had our reception in our garden with very little option for a plan B. There were no fanfares, formalities or fineries, but a gathering of loved and cherished friends and family. My dearest and most precious girlfriend gave a speech – not because she was asked, but because she wanted to – and was very much the best woman for the job. The cake was a mountain of fairy cakes made for us by several baking enthusiasts among the guests, and placed on a large four teared cake stand I made a couple of days earlier. Our wedding car was our friend’s camper van. And the only dress requirement was that everyone wore a hat. Jeans and a t-shirt if they felt like it, but topped with a proper hat.

It was a joyful, warm and lovely day. Tears were shed, much laughter was heard and to be surrounded by those we cared about the most was very very special.

I shall always be proud of it. We haven’t lasted for ever. If I’m truthful some cracks were around even then. But it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a special day. Done the way we wanted it. Not for show, or to impress, but to have a rather splendid wedding, that people enjoyed, admired for it’s gentleness and calm.

If we can end half as well I will be proud of us all the more.