Tag: advice

41. It’s been an advantage to share troubles.

I am blessed with friends, honest friends. They know me, know him, support both and see no need to ‘takes sides’. Still, they’re not afraid of an opinion. That’s probably why they are friends. All the opinions vary, some overlap, some are frank, some more softened. All go into the pot where lives my constant stirring thoughts.

Because I can’t answer the questions that many ask. The ‘why?’s, the ‘would you?’s, the ‘do you think’s. Can’t and won’t answer. Certainly not yet. I am still very much in the moment. The actions I am taking are for now, for the things I need to control and manage, to keep everything within arms length and very much in sight. The future is a thing over there. I’m not afraid of it. But I’m just not looking at it at the moment.

Friends have shit of their own going on, all of them. So not only is it good to be able to help, shift the focus off me. But it’s a very healthy reminder that anything I’m going through counts for no more than a dot on the landscape of the whole picture. And it feels good to remember that. It’s been an advantage to share troubles, not a burden, because that sharing comes right back. I’ve needed physical and emotional hugs and I’ve given them straight back. It’s not so much a trouble shared is a trouble halved, but the sharing in all directions, makes me feel like I’m not alone. And I know I’m not.

 

9. Is trust enough?

We’ve been together for twenty one years. Yes, there has been ups, downs and probably all sorts of directions. But, despite the fact that we are not going to be together any more, there is still trust.

But is trust enough?

Because we need to talk about the big, financial things. And those are the areas that seem to me to be the sticky points. How do we have the conversations about what’s fair when it can’t be just split down the middle? I appreciate that no matter where you live this isn’t easy. And we’re lucky, we have a home to divide. It’s at least a problem to solve, not just a problem.

The plans we lay out now point the way to making this real. Real, and so very permanent. And that, today, feels very painful. It lays down a future that I didn’t think was coming and I’m not sure that I’m ready for, although I know I’ve no choice and I have to stand up and take it on.

It isn’t enough to have a ‘gentleman’s agreement, although I wish it were. Because he is a gentle man. But I need to feel safe, and it’s not even just about me. Child, dog, cat, Father-in-law downstairs – they’re all going to be up to me (well, not really the father-in-law, he’s quite self sufficient) and it’s going to be hard. I’m going to be broke. But broke is one thing. Insecure is another matter.

We’re going to have to get advice. Make things legal.

Christ – as if things aren’t depressing enough!