I have a busy week, I do lots of things, see lots of people, lots of things get ticked off the list. And then there’s someone else to tell.
It’s the telling that is hard.
So often I’ve got myself to the stage where I’m feeling strong and capable. Sense of humour in full flow – always a sign that I’m feeling a bit more like me. I am seeing things in the future. Not exactly the future itself but I can see certain things happening in it. Good things, interesting thing. Certainly I’m not so scared of it. Or more specifically, I’m not so scared of my place in it. Because that can sometimes be the thing that makes me take breath. How do I navigate my way through? What’s it going to look like?
A friend of mine told me that a couple of years ago, for the first time ever, he sat down and wrote a plan. In fact he wrote a five year plan. Small things, the many little doable things filled lots of its spaces. But there were big, important, Life things. About jobs and house and family. And, more importantly, it made him plan for a future he’d been walking towards without really putting down a structure to make it take shape.
I’ve been doing the same thing. I’m used to being a person that works well in a crisis. I think on my feet and I always come up with a solution to a problem. It’s how I get through many situations. It’s certainly getting me through this one. But that isn’t going to give me targets and something to work toward. It’s as if it separates the dreams from the possibilities. If I’m not careful I’ll miss out all the big stuff while busying myself with the achievable.
So maybe I need to think big and walk toward it.
Travel, home, job – these are areas I’ve had thoughts about, even changed some bits of them. But none of those changes have been months in the planning, certainly never a year, and sometimes barely weeks. I react to something and that’s when my actions happen. It’s a hell of a thought that I can choose my action first.
This new life is going to take some getting used to,
Can We Do This Well? 