I realise that my attitude to myself is very intertwined with my ability to keep this situation as positive and healthy. “Don’t let yourself go” I can hear a little voice muttering. So last night I waxed my legs.
Because when someone wants to leave you it’s awfully difficult not to take that personally. As a statement about who you are, and, unfortunately, what you look like. It isn’t about looks, relationships never are – that’s just attraction and we all know how quickly that lives. A handsome face can soon look decidedly average when a voice like a snake on helium comes out of it.
But making an effort for myself makes me feel better. If I don’t care who the hell else is going to – and that isn’t pitying or self-depreciating. I have to set my own standards of how I want to be treated. These can slip in a relationship. As a mum, as a partner, you slip down the list of priorities, and the danger is that you get used to being there, somewhere in the middle. I can glam up in next to no time, but why do I rush? Because there’s always something else to fit in.
So I will start to take more time, because if I’m going to have more time to myself I might as well fill it with nice things for me. Not the redecorating – thought that’s planned – but the luxuries, the fluff, the unimportant important things that make all those little, powerful differences.
Some of which only I will see.
Can We Do This Well? 