The thing is, I’ve now told a few friends. The situation just called for it. I’m in a space, a gallery, and people are coming in to see the work. And some of those people are supportive friends, and the conversation seems to be so apposite, so the words have just come out.
There’s shock, and questions, and discussions. Then there is the comment. Not exactly the question, not even a criticism. Just ‘Is he having a mid life crisis? and it’s a bit difficult not to agree. But are they a good thing in the long run? Can it really be called a crisis? Is it just that a moment is reached when all the things you put away because there are others to take their place come out again. And you want that life that goes with them. No responsibilities, no job you hate, no things that make you unhappy.
May be it’s something I should try myself. Work out what it is that I want. Put myself at the top of my own list. But I’m not sure that it’s something I want. I like a challenge, I thrive on a problem to solve, another plate to spin. I just want to pick my plates.
So, the good thing to come out of this – although I’m pushing myself to focus on the good, it isn’t quite coming automatically yet – is may be I can make different choices for different reasons, with fewer people to consider. I, somehow, will make it more about me. I won’t have to compromise. And more importantly, what I want won’t get put on the back burner all the time.
Because it’s not going to help if I try and take responsibility for someone else choices. I have to let go, not try an solve a problem that isn’t mine to solve. Not condemn his actions because they aren’t, immediately, what I want.
It’ll all work out in the end. Somehow.
So, I shall focus on the lining, not on the cloud.
Can We Do This Well? 